My Friends Give me Courage

Grateful and committed to return the gift

“A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though they know you are slightly cracked.” Bernard Meltzer

“There is no possession more valuable than a good and faithful friend.” Socrates

“Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.” Jean de la Fontaine

I’m grateful that I understood a long time ago that my friendships were precious. When I found someone I really clicked with I knew I was extraordinarily lucky. Friends who are very curious, brave, honest and who understand and tolerate complexity are rare. I can say with certainty that my friends share these qualities. Also I can be just a tad eccentric and quirky so my friends must have grace and a sense of humor to hang with me long term.

Recently I reconnected with a dear old friend, someone I met at the beginning of my turbulent adolescence. She is a few years older than me and was my boss at a crazy late 70’s era pool and racket club where we got into all sorts of mischief and connected with many wonderful humans. We made each other laugh and she guided me with directness and kindness. Over decades we stayed close friends, raised our children, expanded our lives and obligations, and then about 15 years ago we stopped seeing each other, I cant even say why except that we have very different lifestyles and I held resentments towards her political leanings at the time. She may have felt the same. I see now that we were always meant to reconnect, older and more open minded, not less. I spent a day with her recently and the time and conversation flowed as if we hadn’t missed 15 years of friendship chatter. It lifted my heart and made me remember what a warm and caring person she has always been. So glad the door was still open.

Is there someone you have lost touch with and miss? I myself was shy and embarrassed to call my old friend, but it was healing and renewing. I can’t promise the same outcome for others, but its worth taking the risk. Old friends may be deeply grateful to hear your voice as I was.

One of my goals as I roll into ‘elderhood’ is to prioritize friendships. All the research I’ve read on positive aging describes regular social activity as a vital to happiness in old age and even life extending. I want to share movies, art shows, meals, books, churches, volunteer events, ideas, animals, laughter, protests, and of course, trying new things with friends.

My dearest friends have carried me, given me hope, laughed with me, wept with me, corrected me, believed in me and just showed up for me when I was struggling and feeling lost. One of my friends and I have shared so many losses together that there is an unspoken immediate showing up for her (and she to me) when loss visits us. She gets me, knows me, and calls me out in the best way when I have needed it. We have survived so many memorials and ambiguous losses that all is relative and we are mostly very silly with each other. I love her very much and I hope I don’t have to attend any memorials with her for a long time.

My friends are all intensely smart and extraordinarily kind that I sometimes wonder why they choose me. I want to be like them and hear their opinions on (almost) everything. They see the best in me and help me believe I am the person they see even when my faith is nearly run out.

What could be more precious than a friend who is willing to stay firm in their love when I have been weak?