Keep Walking the Path of Recovery

Just a wee pep talk

This week I was saddened to see someone tumble off the path of recovery and become hooked in the mental anguish of “The prison of self” that comes with active addiction. This human has a huge heart, a great intellect and had a real sense of spirituality and was finally walking on the path and then, not. Speaking to them was like talking to a stranger, the emptiness of their anger and resentments stood between us when weeks ago, when sober, this person had gratitude and hope.

In my years stumbling on the path of recovery I have lost dear friends to addiction, seen others twist in the pain and fear of facing themselves and suffer living a life of deep disconnection. At times I have wanted to shut myself off from deep connection to those who suffer from addiction and mental illness because the losses keep coming. The pain of active addiction stands ready to reinvade us all if we cut ourselves off when the burdens of life step on our feet, hands and heart. The pain will come, we are human. The disconnection from others is the first step off the path.

Today I want to share that walking alone on the path of recovery is not possible and that the times I have faltered were those when I forgot my own vulnerability. A mandatory fee for my ongoing recovery is to promptly and (hopefully) humbly share my crazy thoughts, deeper fears and sorrows with trusted others. If I chose to suffer alone I will relapse. To me its that simple. And its sometimes extremely hard to do.

My ego says “You have been at this so long, you should be wise and beyond all this by now.” My fear says “You keep circling the same painful truths. maybe there is no hope of more healing.” And then, if I open my high strung, ego fearful heart and say “Im frightened. I feel weak and scared” to one of my fellow travelers on the path I see the glimmers, the path feels less onerous, I am able to breathe.

My favorite companions on this journey live life out loud including the pain and suffering times. They seek to be heard and reminded that by sharing honestly they help others to become more open and honest, more solid in hope. They keep boldly

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

hoping and working towards the solution and that frees them from living out the problem.

So my friend is suffering alone for now, but they know some of us are here, waiting for a shout out, praying they come back to the path. Ill be waiting.