How to Summon Gratitude

When you are not even close to it

An Attitude of Gratitude Creates Happiness

by Liz Jorgensen

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude."

-A.A. Milne

"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." -Eckhart Tolle

The attitude of gratitude is a goal of all significant spiritual teachings. As the twelve-step programs emphasize, gratitude is not only a virtue to be honed and practiced, but it is the key to happiness and joy.

Gratitude does not seem to come naturally to humans. Our brains are designed for problem-solving, so even when things are relatively good and stable, the unconscious mind seeks a 'problem' and starts to focus on it. We have to override that tendency by making gratitude a choice, a verb, a practice.

My greatest struggle in recovery and trying to "grow along spiritual lines" has been maintaining gratitude when terrible things happen to people that I care about; family, friends, clients and their families, and when I am exhausted and grieving myself. Choosing to be grateful, pushing my stubborn mind to focus on all the good in my life, is the key to happiness and peace since I entered my own journey of healing over 39 years ago.

It is wise to let ourselves have sadness and pain as they arise from love and care for others. I am referring to a potentially fatal tendency to stay in the painful place of grief to the exclusion of hope and gratitude.

Whenever I am in a bad place emotionally, I can pull myself out, almost immediately, when I begin a written gratitude list. Most of the time, I remember this simple and powerful tool. Sometimes I "forget" and stay stuck in the 'prison of self.' Sometimes when I am stuck, the smallest kindness of reminder can pull me out. In times of overwhelming stress, I seek to see the parts of each experience that I can be grateful for. A memory that surfaced reminded me of this, and also how "contagious" gratitude and compassion is.

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My Dad died in December 2019, but when he was still with us and suffering terribly, I learned a great lesson about the power of gratitude while sitting in the hospital with him for what turned out to be an infection and not the end of his life (as he feared). I enjoyed every moment with him, trying to comfort him, feeling sad and grateful at the same time. Still, I was also physically depleted and desperately trying not to be cranky. When I am exhausted and irritable, my own irregular brain becomes an instant critic of everyone and everything around me. It is not pretty, but it is accurate, and I have to fight against this default tendency in myself when I am under great stress.

Anyway, the team of eight physicians came in for rounds with sterile masks and gowns on, looking like aliens, and very formally discussed his illness after briefly greeting us. As they spoke, I saw my Dad's face look confused and fearful, so I stepped in, explaining things in the terms we had used at home and offering a little context. The two head physicians were not only tolerant of my intrusion, but they nodded and took extra time to make sure my Dad knew what was happening to him. As they left, one of the elder physicians smiled through his mask with real connection and touched my shoulder with the faintest affection. I began to cry with gratitude, as I needed that care at the moment, and that simple gesture of kindness instantly 'infected me' with gratitude. I felt calm and buoyed and able to face several other challenging tasks that day and the next. I carried that small kindness with me. In writing about it now, I have held it again in my heart.

We all have genuine power to create and give compassion and kindness and express gratitude even in the worst storm. I hope I remember this next time I am in a challenging place; if not, I know who to reach out to, the cherished members of my "tribe" who help me remember what I already know but forget daily. That my life is mostly wonderful and good. That my blessings far outweigh any sufferings I have or have ever had. That I have much to give others when I stay in gratitude and little to give others when I remain in doubt and fear.

We know from research that practicing the skill set of gratitude is a critical component of overall well being and happiness. Showing kindness in such small and simple ways as this doctor, who (I hope) I never see again, can be the most important and profound part of another's day.

Today I wish to express gratitude for all who have taught me, been patient with me, laughed with me, cried with me, and shown deep kindness to me and my loved ones. I choose to feel grateful for all those who struggle with their own suffering or the illness and suffering of family members who have trusted me to help them along the journey. I hope to stay always open to being ‘infected’ by others’ compassion when I need to return to gratitude.